The Most messy Child I have waited Upon and mind you I have worked in restaurants since 1985…

I was relatively new to the waiting game just a 6 month old rookie to the dining room battleground in a Mexican restaurant in a small Texas town back in 1990. Naturally I found myself in the worse table section in the place right by the ladies restroom which tended to have plumbing/sewage smell problems. My next table lend me to discover why those problems only happened to the ladies bathroom as the mens room were located in a another part of the restaurant which obviously has undergone a minimum of 2 expansions as we had 2 different levels to the place.

My table consisted of a hellion in a high chair too young to speak, mom, and grandmom. My section is fairly small space-wise so when the hellion in his highchair is placed on the end of the table there is only 2 foot between his chair back and the table on the other side of the aisle. They order rice and beans for the little Damien. He immediately is putting handfuls of rice and beans EVERYWHERE withing his flinging range. OK once there was a 2 foot wide rectangle of space behind his high chair until the next table. Now there is a semicircle of rice, refried beans, and mixed up rice and beans behind the highchair leaving a 6 inch strip of clear carpet I have to negotiate just to refill grandma’s drink. I look for the 666 birthmark on his skull but it must have been covered by the rice and beans.

It doesnt END there people! There are rice and beans all over the chair and mind you its an old school high chair that is of metal that folds up and has a metal eating tray with ground in paste of rice and beans. The clean up factor compared to a modern wood chair is exponential. His clothes are full of the same rubbed in paste. His head is covered in the shit to the point he has it crammed into his ears and smeared all over his face. I would surmise from the total volume of debris in sight maybe 3 bites of rice and 3 bites of beans actually got down his pie hole. The one postitive I remember is the monster was quiet. I also vividly imagining what mom’s kitchen looked like since neither adult present seemed fazed by the brats behavior.

Mind you this was 1990 back when society allowed for parents to parent in public and they did for the most part-they still had the ability to recognize that horrendous noise was coming from their brat and they took steps to shut them up.

So they go into bathroom and spend a FULL 10 minutes bathing the boy in our ladies bathroom sink. They even brought a change of clothes and brought a big Ziploc tm baggie for the soiled outfit. I still had not gotten their table, floor, and high chair fully de-rice and beaned in that amount of time. Looking back I wish we had taken pics of the mess. I made a smartass remark about how they must not take the Hellion out too often since he took so long to clean up. They happily imformed me he had been GOOD on this outing as he normally took a 15 minute effort to clean up.

It also dawned on me why out womens bathrooms had reoccurring plumbing problems of  backed up sinks – it was  semirotten food debris in the lines. Having grown up in a hardware store I got the manager to put a box of Rid X down the lines once a week. The stuff is designed to eat away trees roots in a septic system so it worked fine on food debris down in the sink lines from washing off messy kids.

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